What you can ask if you are worried about somone
If you are ever worried about how someone is coping, it’s a really good idea to ask them about how they are doing and if they are having thoughts of suicide.
It’s okay to not know exactly what to say.
The most important thing is making sure the person knows that you care and that you are there to listen. The sentences below are not a script, but they might give you an idea of helpful things to say.
People often worry that asking about suicide will make things worse. Research actually shows the opposite.
Asking someone directly if they are feeling suicidal reduces their risk - by bringing the issue into the open, acknowleding their pain, and showing they have somone to talk to.
What you can say
Open the conversation by showing them you are worried about them, and explaining why:
- "I am worried about you at the moment because I have noticed..."
- "I want to let you know that I am here for you and I think we should talk about it"
Ask them directly about suicide:
- "are you having thoughts of suicide?"
- "have you been thinking about suicide?"
If they say yes, acknowledge the importance of them telling you this:
- “It sounds like this is really painful for you. I’m really glad you told me how you’re feeling and we’re going to find a way to get you some help together.”
Talk to them about getting help, and suggest where they might find it:
- I think it would be good for you to get support for how you are feeling. Would you like to make a GP appointment or call a helpline together?"
If the person is in immediate danger of harming themselves or cannot keep themselves safe, take immediate action by phoning 999 or taking them to Accident and Emergency (A&E).
- “I’m worried that you aren’t able to stay safe right now, I think we should contact someone now so you can get help.”
Tips for having a conversation about suicide
Be direct
Asking a direct question about suicide can encourage the person to talk about how they’re feeling.
Your directness shows them that you’re not scared to talk about it and reduces the fear associated with talking about suicide.
Show that you are listening
Ask open-ended questions, do not interrupt or try to fill the silence, and do not rush them to speak.
Create a safe space to talk
Pick somewhere private to talk. If you think they might find it hard to talk face to face, going for a walk and talking side-by-side might help them feel more comfortable.
Take their feelings seriously
If someone tells you they’re feeling suicidal, whether it’s the first time or if it’s happened before, take it seriously.
People who talk about suicide may go on to harm themselves. Listening and showing you care can help them feel understood and stay safe.
Stay calm
It can feel scary if someone tells you they’re feeling suicidal. It’s okay to not know exactly what to say or do.
If you’re unsure about what to say, it’s okay to just say “I’m not sure what to say or do right now, but I want you to know that I’m so glad you told me, and we will figure out how to get you help together.”
Page last updated: 19 August 2025
